Ok...my strategy is to ignore my body and just go about my daily life pretending (read run errands like a madwoman) that I do not feel nauseous and ready to lose my breakfast/snack/lunch/snack/dinner/snack at a moment's notice. (Remember - all I am doing is taking The Pill, which millions, no make that billions, have done before me!! I am still convinced this is all in my mind, or else how does everyone else manage to do it?) It seems worst when the alarm goes off, and by mid-afternoon it has receded into the background, but even so it is always there, like a dull toothache that you keep putting off going to the dentist for by just one more day, because maybe, oh maybe, it will go away on its own.
As with all of you who are doing this IVF thing and seem to be much more resilient than me!, I am determined not to let all this medical intervention cramp my style. That said, tonight before I go to bed I am going to wear my accupressure wrist bands (usually reserved for boating and those oh-so-turbulent Beechcraft flights...neither of which I do anymore, but good thing I am a pack rat and hung onto the bands!). I'll let you know tomorrow if they actually made a difference to this icky feeling.
The irony of all of this is not lost on me. To be specific the irony related to all of the time and energy that I put into NOT being an unwed mother between the ages of 18 and 24. Well, 42 is the reverse of 24 (hmmmm just noticed that...a spot of synchronicity perhaps?) and now I am putting in exponentially MORE energy, time, not to mention money and mental duress into BECOMING an unwed mother. Oh my. Funny how life works isn't it? And what's really weird is I don't find it even remotely tacky or worthy of shame, whereas in my young years I would have died of embarrassment. I kid you not! I guess that's what maturity and stale eggs do to you. :-)
Speaking of which, no I don't want to get married. Just the thought of it gives me hives. And anyways luckily it is a decision I won't have to make as....ta da...I am not divorced yet. But not for lacking of trying. You can thank the courts and my lawyer for various administrative screw ups that are dragging this process out unnecessarily. Although I am now targeting the end of the year to have this whole horror officially behind me. At which point I suppose that I could contemplate marriage, but why ruin a good thing. Marriage just feels so passe now. Divorce is definitely bad for one's attitude on that front!
Oh, and speaking of marriage European man continues to be very disinterested in my plight (not even one brief "hi honey how are you feeling today")...but then again I haven't said much about it to him either given yesterday's not-so-encouraging response. I am sure his excuse will be that he is busy getting our new European apartment ready for habitation, which I secretly suspect is pushing his organizational skills to their limits (even though I wrote him a to do list...I would have done a full MS Project Plan for him but I didn't want to insult his intelligence). And to make matters worse and truly push him over the edge (shame on me for my North American perspective but I think you will all get this) it also means acquiring a dryer. A precondition of my stepping off that plane. A woman can only suffer so much. Somewhere, a line must be drawn...this far and not one step further! Because after all I am hoping to have lots of baby clothes to wash soon, and I will not have any child of mine wearing hard-as-rock line-dried clothing, at least not in the first 6 months. After that we'll see.... And in case you are wondering, yes I am paying for half of it (half of everything over there as a matter of fact). Might even be generous and pay for all of it if he asks me nicely. But let's leave him with it and see what he does.....
:-) Happy Saturday night to you all!
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