End of the Road?

Big sigh.  What an awful expenditure of time, energy, money and emotions for a big fat nada.

I had my first ultrasound today, after 6 shots of Gonal F 225.   Getting there was a joy in and of itself.  It decided to snow/be foggy/be sleety and rain today in Europe as I happily made my way through various countries on an Autobahn full of nutbars to get to Belgium.   I even honked at one jerk who decided to pull out in front of me as I was sailing along at 180 km/hour, without even a wee signal.  Oh well, I made it there and back in one piece, but it was definitely not my idea of a good time, and I consider myself to be a very experienced and, for North American standards, assertive driver.

My normal RE wasn't there, so I got another doctor who seemed nice enough, but was very non-committal.  To make a long story short, the results suck big time as far as I can tell.  Only 8 follicles across 2 ovaries and everything was less than 10mm.  My lining of whatever-the-heck (couldn't understand the doctor) was 5.5mm.  The nurse said she was sorry.  The doctor didn't say much of anything, other than it was still early days.  He did however say I would probably only have to come back another 2 times, which I took as a sign that he probably thinks the whole thing will be shut down next week.  He also didn't adjust any meds, which I found odd, and another indication that he has sussed this as a losing game.

Anyways, I guess that's that.  Assuming the stuff that is in there even grows to a respectable size (which at this rate seems unlikely), half of 8 is 4 (i.e. 4 eggs), and half of 4 is 2 (i.e. number fertilized) and, frankly, with those numbers the odds of having anything to put in there seem very low and thus not worth the bother.  So after all that, I think the baby just got tossed out with the bathwater. 

I am back on Monday for another ultrasound with my normal RE (oh joy joy another 6 hours on the Autobahn), and I am going to tell her I am finished with the whole thing unless she can offer a very compelling fact-based reason to continue.  Because I am a firm believer in accepting the facts and moving on, rather than beating my head against a large uncomfortable rock repeatedly hoping that this action will somehow miraculously bring about a change of some sort.

Time to contemplate Plan B....job, toys, dog. And ditching the man, since he needs to be free to find someone young and fertile.  What a life.  Guess better me than someone else though, since I seem good at taking knocks.

Cheers and a good weekend to you all!

Renee